


Fastest way to a man's heart

by maximumeffort



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sad Ending, Sorry Not Sorry, Spideypool - Freeform, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:33:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximumeffort/pseuds/maximumeffort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Right through his ribcage aaand... yeah, no, it's about Deadpool making a special something for his special spidery someone.<br/>The fic is finished, I don't even know what happened here... I'm sorry ok? I'm really really sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gingerbreadpools

**Author's Note:**

> This will have more chapters, and I promise some sweet sweet spideypool, don't know when, don't know how but we'll make it <3

[] Yellow  
{} Whitey

Deadpool came into his apartment. Grocery bags in both hands. He was living solo for an entire season now in this big dingy apartment. It was in a shady part of town where the few residents that lived there wouldn't give a flying fuck about loud banging gunshot like sounds or the weird guy living there. He did buy it through, why squatt when he could easily afford the place. The place was a mess, all dirt, and grime, and suspicious looking stains, but it was... "Home sweet home!" he exclaimed throwing the bags on the couch and heading to the kitchen, scratching his ass on his way there. If he was gonna do what he was planning he had to do the most boring thing ever and wash the dishes, and then the dreadful cleaning up of the apartment.

"This plan is fuckin' ace!" Deadpool hummed to himself while rinsing the plates.  
[Fuck yeah! Pure gold. If this doesn't work nothing will.] Yellow was exited.  
{Wouldn't get our hopes up. S'not like he's gonna marry us for making him pancakes} Whitey was cautious.  
"Dude did you even taste my pancakes?"  
{We are you, moron.. Of course I've tasted 'em}  
"Yeah whatever I'm betting when baby boy tastes Wade's sweet heavenly buns of heavenly sweetness he's gonna wanna marry us. And I ain't even talking 'bout the buns that matter!"

Deadpool was a man on a mission, the man with the plan. He's been seeing Spiderman all over the town. He had spoken to him many times, and even helped him out on a couple of occasions, and he was head over heels with that sweet ass. It's been weeks now that he's been... you know, playin' pocket Pool, wankin with the one-eyed wonder weasel, no not that Weasel,  thinkin bout that ass. Right now he was imagining the scenario. He had already asked Spidey to come over, and begrudgingly but amazingly the boy agreed.

So Deadpool decided to clean the place up, and make his world famous pancakes.

[They so would be world famous if someone would try them!]

He snapped back to Yellow interrupting his fantasy, and went back to his daydream. So Spidey would come in, and he would eat a whole bunch of his pancakes, and then he would confess his never dying love for him, and then best buttse..err buttlovemaking would happen, and they would live happily ever after.

Finally the dishwashing and cleaning was done, but after that little daydream of his, Deadpool was left with a rather stiff issue.  
 "And that issue is a raging hard on, just to clarify." Deadpool spoke looking up to nothing.  
"I ain't looking up to nothing, I'm addressing the reader. Now stop distracting me! I have to get this done, and my stiffy isn't going away!"  
[Maybe we have a little time to spank the ham] Yellow was optimistic  
{No we don't, Spidey's gonna be here in 2 hours} Whitey grumbled  
"Oh c'mon I'll be done roping the pony  in like five minutes. Can't be greeting Spidey like this, what if he trips and I pokes his eye out!" Deadpool said already unbuckling his belt.

Ten minutes passed, and Deadpool was not even close to cumming. No matter how hard he jacked himself, imagining Spidey in every possible position, he was there on the edge, but couldn't make himself cum. He was already sweaty and panting, and getting a headache from so much focus on getting himself off, that it wasn't even fun anymore. He couldn't stop now though, blue balls ain't no fun, and there was the ever-present danger of shooting off at the most awkward moment possible. He had to get this done, and soon. And fuck he would have to shower too, after finishing everything, from how sweaty and worked up he had gotten himself

With one hand on his cock, and the other wiping the sweat from his forehead (he had removed his mask at about the time he started jacking off) he slowly went to the living room, hoping to find something to help him get off.

He shot a panicked look around, spotting the grocery bags on the couch.  
"Butter! Now that's a good idea" he murmured to himself plopping down by the bags. He fished the butter out of the bag, but it was still too hard, and fuckin useless "Sums up my current problem real accurate too". Deadpool groaned in frustration still working his cock, and using his other hand to find something, anything useful.  
"Ambidextrous babe! Fuck yeah" he exclaimed fist pumping in the air before continuing his searching. Suddenly he felt something soft and pliant. He took out a bag of flour, his prayers have been answered. Slowly, trying not to poke a hole in the plastic bag in which the flour was, he pushed it onto his now leaking member.  
 "Can't have the flour get pregnant, I'm not ready to be a daddy... Again" he whispered to the flour tenderly before starting to slowly hump the bag. It felt good, hell better than good, it felt great, and soon he was fucking into that bag for real. Suddenly he thrust  a little bit harder, and his cock penetrated the bag and sank into the soft flour making him moan and cum hard in the bag. It felt like he was cumming for hours, and when he came down from his high the flour was all mushy and pasty.   
"Fuck! I don't have time to go buy more! Stupid Wade, fuckin stupid!" He yelled at himself.  
[We don't have to buy more, make pancakes with this, they do say that cum is healthy]  
{Who the hell says that???}  
[The internet!]  
"Well if it's on the internet it must be true! Smart Wade" Deadpool exclaimed, getting up, and taking everything to the kitchen. He mixed up the batter and went to take a shower before baking so Spidey would get a warm meal. He was going to make it, and on time

After getting out from the shower and putting his full costume back on he went to the kitchen, just to be shocked by what was awaiting him there. The grocery bags were ripped, and everywhere were little singing and dancing Deadpool shaped cookies.

"OMG. it's. the. GINGERBREADPOOLS!!!!" Deadpool gasped in grabbing his face in shocked panic. As soon as he said that, the little gingerbreadpools yelled "Papa!" And ran to him, giggling and jumping at his feet. He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Is this real?"  
[Is this just Fanta sea?]  
{Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality.}  
Suddenly Bohemian rhapsody started blasting, and little gingerbreadpools started jumping around singing "Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see, we're just a poor boy, we need no sympathy, Because we're easy come, easy go, Little high, little low, Anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me."  
Then Deadpool took the frying pan and started swinging at the poor little gingerbreadpools squishing them to pancakes all the while singing "Mama, just killed a man, Put a pan against his head, smashed em  good, now they're dead."

When the song was over, he found himself sitting by the counter, surrounded by heaps of pancakes, he was covered head to toe in batter and sugar and other foody gooey stuff.  
"Fuckin Pool-o-vision, thank the goods I am a highly functional nutcase, or else right now I would probably be drooling on the couch still trippin gingerbreadpools." He patted himself on the back.  
{Who's to tell you we're actually not, maybe you're still trippin balls} Whitey stated gloomily.  
To that Deadpool stuck a fork in his hand. He felt the sting. "Proof enough for you?" He mocked Whitey. "Now when Spidey comes I want you both quiet, I don't need no distractions kay?". Both boxes were silent, so he took it as a yes, and not a moment too soon, as he heard tapping on his living room window.  
"Spidey's here! Oh what a day! What a lovely day!!!" Deadpool jumped and ran to said room.

 


	2. Best day ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey visits, and it's all ups and downs. I write kind of Deadpools pov so you have to imagine what's going through Spidey's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay for this thing to work we will imagine that they are already buddies I didn't write the friendship building stuff, maybe I will later on.
> 
> [Yellow]  
> {Whitey}

Spiderman was really there, on the other side of his window. Deadpool could see his red and blue spandex through the smudgy glass "Okay! So I forgot to clean the windows, so sue me!" Deadpool grumbled, but then flashed the biggest grin he could provide without splitting his cheeks in half, and opened the window.

"Oh my god! You really came baby boy!" Deadpool gushed, pulling Spiderman inside and into a hug. Spiderman flailed his arms for a moment and then patted Deadpool on the shoulder, gently pushing him away. He knew the man had no sense of personal space, or chose to have none anyway. "Yeah, good to see you too Deadpool" he proclaimed mostly out of courtesy. "I told you like five times already to call me Wade. Sit down! Put your feet up! Mi casa es su casa, and all that. Wanna beer? You old enough to drink? Hope you are, or I'd be one sick cookie, seducing minors. Forget I said that, not seducing, no way no siree! Unless you want me to, then I'm totally seducing you, unless you are a minor that would be gross, a gross tragedy! Oh my god I'm gonna kill myself right now! What are you doing here! Giving yourself to an old man trying to take advantage of your frail years! I thought you were smarter than this baby boy! I'll protect you! I'll protect your virginity!" Deadpool was in fits, and he couldn't stop the word vomit threatening to already destroy all his hard work. Suddenly Spiderman put a hand on his shoulder, Deadpool flinched and clasped both hands across his mouth. "I'm legal to drink, but I don't want a beer, I'll have water if that's ok?" Spiderman said slowly. During the time spent with Deadpool, he had gotten used to the man's constant word diarrhea, and that it would get worse when the man was stressed, but also that the remedy was to give him small tasks to focus on. "Sure thing baby boy!" Deadpool said almost inaudibly and went to the kitchen.

He came back with a bottle of water and a plate full of pancakes, and to find his baby boy sitting on the couch, he looked a little on the edge, but Deadpool though nothing of it as he set the plate and the bottle on the crate he was using for coffee table. Then he ran to the kitchen again to get butter and syrup. Soon he was sitting on the couch beside his Spidey, all quiet like from fear of another word vomit. Spiderman pulled his mask up a little and took a swig from the bottle, and Deadpool swallowed hard, hypnotized by the way Spidey's lips enveloped the tip of the bottle, and his throat move when swallowing.  He was getting all hot and nice in all the right and inappropriate places...

[Shwinnng!] suddenly yelled Yellow making him all but jump from the couch, and making Spidey choke on the water and into a coughing fit.  
"Fuck you you fucking yellow bastard! I'm gonna carve you out with my bowie knife tonight!" Deadpool yelled. But then he saw Spidey doubled over still coughing so he sat beside him patting and rubbing his back " 'S ok Spidey, sorry I scared you, just breathe" the cough was subsiding, and Spiderman thought at the back of his mind that the little backrub was actually rather nice on his sore muscles, so he relaxed into it and hummed in appreciation. Deadpool was liking where this was going so he started to actually massage Spidey's back. " What the fudge am I doing" Spiderman thought to himself, but couldn't help but gasp and lean into those strong hands working his back.

 " That's good baby boy, could have given you cee pee are if you needed it through"Deadpool grumbled just by Spidey's ear "Damn shame I didn't need to" he whispered mostly to himself "Wade!" Spidey said "Yeah baby boy?" "Just could you not talk right now?" "I can keep touching you sugarplum?" Deadpool asked bemused by the whole situation "I'm counting on you to keep touching. Feels so good"

This was a dream come true. Here he had Spidey all warm and pliant and in his hands. Deadpool was in heaven. Slowly he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Spidey's neck, and with that the magic was gone. "Dude what the heck?!" Spiderman flinched away and turned to face him "Sorry! I'm so so sorry! Well not really!" That earned Deadpool a smack on the shoulder, so he raised his hands in mock surrender " Ok! Sorry!" Deadpool was chuckling now "I got to kiss Spidey! Best day ever" he could see Spiderman's neck, and what of his face was exposed blushing, and he couldn't help himself "Oooh I think Spidey liked it". That earned him another smack this time on the head. He grabbed hold of Spiderman's arms and started giggling like a little girl "Deadpool and Spidey sitting on a tree kay eye ess ess eye en gee!" That earned him a full bodied Spidey assault, and soon they were wrestling in honest. "Why does he always get me to act this stupid" Spiderman thought to himself, but Deadpools laughter was contagious, and soon they were in a heap on the floor trying to get the upper hand on each other.

Few minutes passed before Deadpool was on his back laughing his ass off, Spiderman on top of him all windy and    gasping for air giggling like mad. "I think my crazy is rubbing off on you" Deadpool said. Suddenly Spiderman got serious "Yeah, you know, you're an okay guy Deadpool..." He got up, and rolled his mask down "I.. Uhh I  have to go, sorry" and with that Spiderman was by the window "Aww c'mon Spidey don't go, you haven't even tasted my pancakes! And I  made them specially for you." Deadpool actually whined at that "I'm sorry! I.. Uhh.. Rain check?" Spiderman actually sounded sorry. "When and where Spideybabe!" Deadpool said instantly. Spiderman hesitated for a moment "Friday midnight, that super greasy pizza pizza place  you are always threatening me with". Deadpool seamed satisfied with that answer "It's a date baby boy!"  
"S not a date!" Spiderman said while swinging away.

When he left Deadpool grabbed his head "Fuck me  and my stupid mouth!" He flipped the crate, pancakes flying all over the floor.  
{Wank or suicide?}  
[Why not both?]  
Half an hour later there was he. His gun by his left leg, sitting dead in a pool of blood and... other bodily fluids.

{This is why we never clean up. What's the point? Guys, you there? Guess not, not yet. Well then...Stars shining bright above you; Night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'. Birds singing in the sycamore tree. Dream a little dream of me.}


	3. Waiting game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Tuesday when they last saw each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually like writing Deadpool more because I am more familiar with the character, and my knowledge of Spiderman is limited to some old issues, the first movie and the game, so I know this is probably completely out of character, I’m sorry, this chapter actually sucks, but I really needed this tie in. Sorry, next one will hopefully be better.

[Yellow]  
{Whitey}

**_Wednesday:_ **

It was Wednesday. Two more days of waiting. Deadpool had no jobs lining up, nothing to do but to sit and wait and mope around. After blowing his brains out he felt a bit better, calmer. It almost always helped him focus. He had time to think, though in his case thinking wasn’t usually the smartest thing to do.

"He did say he wanted to see me again, so I probably didn't screw up that bad"

{He is just too polite to tell you to keep the fuck away from him, in your own home.}

[Yeah he probably wanted neutral ground for that.]

{Friday he will tell you to get the hell away from him and this town.}

"Fuck you no he isn't! He was just overwhelmed, yeah that's it, a little too much Deadpool to handle, is all."

Wade spent that whole day moping around convincing himself and the dammed boxes it's all really okay and binge watching Judge Judy ("You go girl tell ‘em what's right").

***

 Peter Parker woke up to the sound of E.R. car sirens howling, and then fading away. The clock on his night stand read 05:35 A.M. he had slept for less than two hours, and he had to go drop off the photos he made the previous night to The Bugle in an hour and a half, and then attend classes in his senior year, so there was no point in going back to sleep. Not that he could sleep now anyway, not after remembering the whole Deadpool fiasco that happened last night. He groaned and put his hands over his face. He couldn’t understand his own actions, or the overall confusion he felt over the whole situation. The thing is, he was always told that Deadpool was not to be trusted, that he was this maniac that kills and destroys everything that he comes near, and yes he had witnessed the destructive force the man could be, but during the few months he had known the man, he came to see something more. Deadpool was human. Damaged, pained, sick, but human, and he had some soft spots too, one of them being himself, well his Spiderman self anyway, and after some time Peter actually came to enjoy the other’s company. They shared the same sense of humor, and the overall kind of tragic bad luck stream their lives seemed to be. And he tried to do good, he honestly did, Peter smiled remembering Deadpool stating "We're a good boy Spidey" in the goofiest voice he had ever mustered, after not killing anyone on one of the patrols he had let Deadpool join him.

 Deadpool came to NY half a year ago on a job, and since then stayed, not actually having a home to return to. Peter half suspected that it at least had something to do with the man complete fangirling about Spiderman, and said Spiderman being on friendly terms with him, but never said nothing to him.

 And then last night happened. Deadpool did always make inappropriate advances, but Peter never thought nothing more of it than, you know, Deadpool being … well Deadpool, and he didn’t hate the guy so when the man asked him to come over for “world famous pancakes” he agreed, not sure who was more surprised by his reply, the merc or himself. The place was exactly what he had expected it to be, but he did smell a lemony hint of Ajax which was to show that the man had actually cleaned the apartment. The evening started quite pleasantly, before it all went south. It was just his usual luck to choke on water, and then the man was touching him, soothing him, and then massaging him, and Peter did have a pretty tough fight the night before, and his muscles were all sore and it did feel _sooo_ _good_ , and he didn’t actually mind the low grumble of the man’s voice so close to his ear. The kiss though, it came as a wakeup call, and the most confusing thing was that Deadpool was actually right, and Peter didn’t mind the kiss, well if he was honest with himself, he liked it, but he couldn’t have, could he? And then the pretend fight, he felt like he was a kid again, it felt good, for that short moment he was just having fun, not a care in the world, and that’s when Wade’s words struck home. Was he crazy? Was it crazy that what he needed to unwind was to act like he was a five year old, with an unstable chaotic gun for a hire morally impaired man? And the worst part was that _**that** _ wasn’t the worst part of the whole ordeal. The worst part was that for a breathless giddy moment before the merc spoke, Peter wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss him. And he would have too, but the impulse was interrupted by the man’s “crazy one” comment. So Peter left, he had to, he was scared; he _**was** _ going crazy wasn’t he?

 Now, he would have to face Wade in two days, Peter couldn’t have the Wade thinking he did something wrong, so he made a rain check, and now Peter had to think about all the confusing things going through his mind.

 Peter went through his day absentmindedly, as if watching it all from aside, all the while thinking about Friday

  ** _Thursday_** :

Thursday came and Wade was in no better condition. It was 3 am when he decided he needed to work out, sweat and tear every damn muscle in his body to maybe get some peace of mind. He actually liked this city. No one gave a damn about anyone, and there was a 24/7 gym just a few blocks away, and at that hour it would be usually empty so he could work out without stressing about people looking at his ugly mug.

 After two hours of ripping muscles he felt sore all over but good. At least he kept his body in top shape. After putting the weights away he left the gym, deciding to take the longer way home. He actually liked being out at that time of night, regular citizens in their beds, and the only people who were out and about were some kind of monsters like himself. The tugs, the drunk, the junkies and other scum of the world.

 As if to confirm that thought he heard glass shattering somewhere in the alley to the left of him. His muscles were already almost completely regenerated, and he was feeling that post workout adrenaline buzz, so he practically ran towards the sound. There were three guys in hoodies equipped with baseball bats smashing at the cars parked in the alley. Wade was ecstatic. Not only did he have a great workout, but now he was getting a chance of beating some guys. "Hey dudes what ya doin?" He singsonged skipping towards the nearest guy. The punk turned to him, scarf across his face so only his eyes could be seen "None of your damn business old man, better run before we hand your ass to you!" Wade stopped abruptly, only a couple of steps from the guy, as the others came closer. He put his hands on his face and mock pleaded "Oh no please! I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!" The guys laughed and all went towards him “Oh this is sooo ’90 action sequence! They gonna attack me one by one right?” Wade said, cracking his fingers. “No dude, we’re gonna attack you all at once, and then beat the shit out of you!” the other tug said.

 It was over before it actually begun, all three guys unconscious on the ground, and Wade not even breaking a sweat. He looked up and around, he was being extra cautious not to kill or maim, hoping that in some improbable twist of fate Spidey would swing buy, see his heroic deed, and maybe not hate him anymore.

{Yeah…Good luck with that.}

“Fuck you!”

He felt like he was a teenage girl in a club, looking at the entrance, waiting for her crush to come, but they never did.

[There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody who really loves you, so you go, and you stand on your own and you leave on your own, and you go home, and you cry and you want to die]

{Teenage angsty much?}

Police sirens were closing in, so he ran home, not wanting to explain, or risk being shot.

 Not even bothering to wash up, he lounged on the couch, and flipped through the channels. Later he would do the wank and suicide thing, it was becoming something of a ritual ever since Thusday. Whitey was right he was all teenage angsty wasn’t he?

  ***

Peter’s Thursday went pretty much the same as Wednesday, that is, until he went on his Spidey patrol. The night was dragged long and tiresome. Full moon always seemed to bring out all the crazy on the streets, so he had his hands full. At about 5 A.M. he was ready to wrap it up and go home, when he heard sounds of a brawl.

 He looked down from the rooftop he was perched on, amazed as some guy expertly beat the crap out of three vandals, and when the guy looked up Spiderman realized it was Wade, he did catch a glimpse of his scars on a couple of occasions, and his strong built body was something he could never confuse for someone else, but he knew how Self-conscious the man was about his face. Not wanting to steal his thunder, or upset him about not covering his face up, Spiderman kept to the shadows so the man couldn’t see him. Peter felt proud of Wade, the man actually did good.

 The feeling left him only more confused, but never the less Peter decided that he would be nice to Wade, he had to be, the man tried to be good, and he was doing so even when unattended.

 Thing is, Peter actually wanted to give Wade a chance, only, he didn’t exactly know what he wanted to give him a chance of.

 


	4. Friday I'm in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday you can fall apart  
> Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart  
> Thursday doesn't even start  
> It's Friday I'm in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if this is any good. I like it, hope you all like it too :)

{Whitey}  
[Yellow]

"Friday Friday gotta get down on Friday..." Wade was singing, actually sitting by his kitchen counter and eating cereal.  
   
{Can't believe we are having breakfast for breakfast for real!}  
[Awww c'mon we love cereal, it's good for us! Healthy eating]  
{Don't think this is a healthy kind of cereal}

After his awesomely healthy breakfast, Wade went on to brush his teeth and shower, he was all kinds of filthy from the last few days of depression "Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs!" He continued singing whilst washing himself… downstairs. He then proceeded to check his Craigslist for any eventual jobs. He was limiting his services to non un-aliving, which greatly reduced his clientele.

Soon he found himself yet again in front of the TV. He actually was the worst couch potato when not working. Again he sang to himself "Friday, Friday gettin down on Friday... Yeah. Bet someone's  gettin down tonight!"

{Sure, if by gettin down, you mean down the spiraling stairs of rejection induced depression and madness} Whitey deadpanned  
[Aww c'mon give us a break.] Yellow whined  
"You know for a white box, you sure are all doom and gloom" Wade added  
{How many times do I have to repeat it I AM YOU. It's all you big guy!}  
"Nope! I am a fun and bubbly sparkly type A super cool personality. You are probably the writer, or something like that, you don't even speak in the same font as I do."  
{Sorry to break it to you, but, no.}  
"Whatever. I'm gonna go clean my gun"  
[Fun times!]  
{I don't think that was an euphemism}  
[What's an euphemism?]  
{I give up}

  
...

Hours later, every gun he owned was field stripped, cleaned, oiled up and reassembled, and he had a lot of guns. Thankfully the boxes were almost completely silent during the process, so he was significantly calmer. Sadly he had run out of guns to clean, and he had more than an hour before he was to see Spidey. What if Whitey was right? What if Spiderman actually was going to tell him to get lost. That would totally suck ass. Spidey was his hero, heroes help people, not chase them away. And he was a good boy for the last couple of months. Only one kill in half a year, and well deserved at that.

"Well there's no point in guessing, gotta man up, go, and find out for myself." He was amazed at how sane he sounded, but then he realized he was talking to himself, so that thought went right through the window.  
...

Spiderman was already at the pizza place and waving at him. Deadpool approached cautiously.  
"Hey Spidey, how's it hangin?"  
Spiderman smiled and put his hand out "Fine. And don't think I didn't see what you did there". Deadpool looked at the extended arm, and back to Spiderman's face a couple of times, and then slowly shook it. He was silent for a moment, but then clapped his hands together and started talking. "Kay Spiderdude, wanna get some pizza? And I know a perfect place where we can eat it”

They went in, Deadpool got himself pineapple and olives “Mmmm salty and sweet” he quipped, Spiderman got “super cheesy super greasy house special” and they were ready to go. They actually walked for a few minutes when Deadpool stopped and pointed up “Spidey, take us up please?” Spiderman laughed “You sound like a child asking to be picked up” Deadpool wasted no time to cling to Spiderman, pizza box in one hand and go full retard “Mommy I’m tired carry me!” he whined, proceeding to try and climb Spiderman, which looked hilarious having in mind that he was at least 5 inches taller than the guy. The action got him another laugh from the younger man, and then he was held by his waist, and flying up “Weeee!” he managed to squeal out before landing on the rooftop.

Spiderman was awestruck. There on the rooftop were a table and two chairs, lights, and a couple of balloons saying “I’m sorry”, he facepalmed, and then looked at Deadpool “Dude, what the heck?” Deadpool shrugged “Well it’s a date, and I am sorry.” Spiderman went to take his pizza and placed both boxes on the table “What are you sorry for?” he asked softly, approaching Deadpool once again.

{That’s actually a good question} Whitey was confused  
[Spidey’s not angry at us, he didn’t chase us away]  
{Yet…}

Spiderman could see Deadpool was fidgeting, moving his lips under the mask, and leaning his head first to one side, and then to the other, he knew the man was having his internal trialogue. He didn’t want Deadpool freaking out, so he slowly put his hand on the man’s shoulder, and the man flinched, this was Tuesday night on replay, but Spiderman wouldn’t have that “Why are you sorry Wade?” Deadpool shrugged and hung his head low “Don’t know… for… making you leave?” he looked like a kicked puppy, and Spiderman felt bad “You didn’t do anything wrong Wade.” The merc then looked at him “Then why did you leave?”, it was now Peter’s turn tu shrug “I got… scared… I guess?” Deadpool took a step back “Nooo! I would never hurt YOU baby boy, I promise!” Spiderman was shaking his head “No! No! I didn’t mean it like that, I was… fuck it I was scared of myself” Wade gasped “You said a swear word baby boy!” and then proceeded by a more serious and confused “Why were you scared of yourself?”. Spiderman groaned, the man couldn’t be thicker, he hung his head and murmured almost inaudibly “Cause I liked it.”  
   
Deadpool was quiet, the boxes were silent, hell, the entire city felt silent, and Peter felt Wades gaze on him, it burned. Suddenly he couldn't stop himself, he placed his hands on the mercs face and brushed his mask covered lips on Wades. His heart was pounding like crazy, and his whole body felt like he was fluttering, and then Wade grounded him by placing one hand on his hips, and pulling their masks up to their noses with the other. The man took a long shaky breath, and then proceeded to first press their foreheads together, then brush their noses and then kiss him.

The kiss was something else entirely. The man kissed like he lived, giving it all, and taking no hostages. It made Peter dizzy, feeling like he never needed to breathe again. Wades hands were now cradling his face, one holding the back of his head, and the other on his neck and jaw, thumbs tenderly caressing his exposed skin, he somehow managed to make him feel smoldering hot and incredibly cherished at the same time. And when they broke apart, Peter instantly regretted the loss. Wade was now pressing his nose to Peters cheek "I'm sorry baby boy, couldn't help myself..." he whispered breathless in that deep gruff voice of his, and Peter shuddered, turning back into a kiss.

***

Wade must have died and went to heaven, that or he was having another hallucination. Spiderman was kissing him, willingly. The thing was, though it felt hot as hell, like if it continued any longer he was gonna cream his pants kinda hot, it also felt sweet, like first kiss ever kind of sweet, and that was a scary thing to feel.

"Fuck..." he gasped holding Spideys face and pressing their foreheads together looking at the masked eyes "What.. the..." Spiderman smiled "I know... I mean yeah..." He sounded as breathless as Wade felt. This was dangerous, had to stop "Our... Umm... Our food is getting cold?" Wade tried, and that earned him another smile from the boy who squeezed his shoulders and brushed their lips together once more "You know, you're an okay guy Wade..." Panic shot through Deadpool and he looked at the boy wide-eyed "Don't go away baby boy! I'm sorry!" Peter was confused for a moment, and then it hit him, that was what he said just before he ran away the last time. "I'm not going anywhere Wade, not gonna abandon a perfectly good pizza" To that Deadpool seemed to relax, even smile a little. "C'mon let's eat" Spidey said taking Wades hand and pulling him to the table.

...

They ate, talking about random stuff, and it seemed to go pretty well until Peter exclaimed that he didn't really like Star Wars. Deadpool was shocked "That's blasphemy! How could you not love Star Wars, it's only the best movie ever! You're lucky I like you, or I would shoot you for such disrespect!" So Spidey had to apologize "I do like Lord of the rings" he said, Wade shook his head "Yeah LOTR is a good movie, but you're not out of the woods yet. You're just young, probably don't know anny better."

By the end of the night Deadpool made it his personal mission to right the error of Spidey's ways, so they have agreed that Sunday Wade would go on a patrol to help Spidey out, and for compensation Spidey would come over so Wade could teach him all about how wrong his entire life was for not respecting the perfection that was Star Wars.

Before parting ways Peter actually gave Wade a peck on the cheek, and then swung away, leaving a profoundly confused Deadpool rubbing his cheek not believing the night actually happened.

...

[Spidey loves us] Yellow was ecstatic  
"And I loooove Spidey!!"  
Wade spun around and fell to his bed sighing. Little pink hearts flying around his head.  
{You gonna get us hurt, bad, you big moron}  
[Spidey's a hero, he won't hurt us, he's gonna save us]  
{No one can save us}  
Wade wouldn't have it, he groaned, covered his head with his pillow and tried to sleep, all the time rewinding the night in his head.

He couldn't even remember when he last felt this good, and he was afraid, because..

  " _Life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness_."

 


	5. Forever and a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's the sweet spideypool I promised. Hope you all like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not gonna be that sweet though

[Yellow]  
{Whitey}

 

They are both lounging on Wades couch, both in their civvies with masks only halfway on. The patrol went smoothly, not much action, and now, three movies, two dozen tacos, a bucket of ice cream and a large bottle of soda later they were both in a food induced coma. Peter was actually half lying on Wades hard warm chest, almost lulled to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat. Wade had cautiously put his arm around the boy, half afraid he might disappear into thin air.

"Baby boy..." Wade whispered and kissed the top of his head. Peter felt like hypnotized "Mmm?" Wade just hugged him closer and grumbled in content. He couldn't remember when he was last this warm, and felt this good.

Spideys breath got deeper and more even, the boy fell asleep.

{Well that's a first}

"Huh..."

[Bless him he looks like a little angel]

 Well that's another thing Wade couldn't remember when it last happened, someone falling asleep in his arms. Slowly he rearranged the boy so he held him bridal style, and got up. "Can't have you sleep like that sugarplum, gonna wake up all stiff, and not the fun kind of stiff either."

Slowly, careful not to wake him up, he walked to the bedroom. The boy felt good in his arms, and his mind was going to some really naughty places, blood pooling down south, making him hard and wanting. "I'm a fuckin perv" Wade through to himself darkly "For a first time in a long time someone trust me enough to fall asleep with me around, and all I can think about is sticking it in" He was gonna do no such thing. He would put the boy to bed, and then go to the shower and rub one out, feeling like a pervy perv that he was.

 The problem was that when he tried to lay Spidey down, the boy wouldn't let go. He had stuck himself all over, and Wade couldn't make him let go without waking him up, and if he woke him up he would notice his hard on, and then Wade would officially be a perv.

 "You gotta let go baby boy." Wade whispered. Spidey stirred and only clung tighter " I don't wanna." Wade groaned "C'mon throw the guy a bone sweet cheeks, I'm tryin to be all chivalrous here." To that Spiderman seemed to wake up, taking in his surroundings, looking down at the bed, then back up at Wade "Stay with me." the boy whispered, and the mercs brain short circuited "Fuck" he breathed out, Wade knew the boy was thinking about sleeping, but his mind was already going places, and he was getting painfully hard. He took a ragged breath, and looked down at his Spidey "Baby boy if I stay, I'm gonna wanna do much more than sleeping."

And then Spidey smiled and pressed his lips to the exposed skin of neck and whispered "You make it sound like it's a bad thing." Then he let go and fell to the bed, his arms still around Wades neck, pulling him down and on top of himself. Wade quickly braced himself, elbows on both sides of Spideys face and knees on the side of the boys hips and really looked at him. "You sure bout this Spidey, cause if you're not, is one cruel prank to play on me."

"Peter."

"Huh?"

"Call me Peter, it's my name."

"No! Don't do that baby boy. I'm like the worst guy you could ever trust with your real ID"

Peter just shook his head no, and proceeded to pull his mask up "I can trust you, there was a bunch of situations where you could find out my identity, but you didn't."

If the entire evening up to now didn't brake Deadpool, the sight before him certainly fried his brains. The boy was beautiful, probably early twenties and all like big brown eyes, cute nose, and pretty lips, and Wade felt so self conscious and fuckin imperfect and ugly, but then the boy smiled up to him and pulled him in for a kiss, and he was lost.

 Wade slowly lowered his hips and pushed against Peters only to feel that the boy was as hard as he was, and it stirred him on. Soon he was kissing the guy below him like a drowning man, hands everywhere and Peter was grasping at him and gasping and moaning, lifting his hips up and into Wades, but then the boy went for the mask, and Deadpool pulled away "No!" Confused by the rejection Peter looked up at the man "I... Ummm... Sorry I thought..." He was still panting, looking all confused and hurt and Wade could just kick himself "No, no it's not like that baby boy, is just... You see this shit on my chin and neck, it's all over me... the face, the body, and I really don't want you to loose your lunch or your boner because of it, because I had plans for that boner, ya know." and with that Wade went down and pulled at Peters pants. But the guy wouldn't have it, he grasped the mans head and pulled him back up " You're probably gonna flip, but I already saw your face, back in the alley, when you beat up those thugs and... I don't mind, I actually think you're hot, I mean have you seen yourself, your have a killer body, and I kinda wanna see it... you know with no clothes on." At that Peter blushed, looking down and to the side, and biting his lower lip before looking back up at Wade. The merc was done for, he took Peters arms and put them on the edge off his mask nodding. Slowly the boy pulled it up and off and smiled, proceedings to kiss the man above him. In moments time Wade had Peters top off, he licked and kissed his neck placing small bites here and there earning him small gasps. Then he went lower on his pecks, licking and softly biting on his nipples and then blowing on them making Peter moan and grab at his head, then he licked his way down the boys stomach, dipping his tongue in his navel which earned him another moan and then slowly pulled down the guys pants. Peter was going commando, and he was long, hard and leaking, and Wade couldn't help himself, he just went home, swallowing him up all to the base. "Fucking fuck! Wade!" Peter screamed, and Wade chuckled around his cock, pulling off with a pop "We'll get to that baby boy. Now just relax and let me make you feel good." And with that he went down again. Now Wade was great at giving blowjobs, that was the other reason why he was called the merc with the mouth, and the thing is, although he let the guy take off his mask, he wasn't gonna strip, so he would give his Petey best blowjob ever, and by the sounds the kid was making he was sure he was doing a great job at that. Wade kept one hand on Peters hips, and shoved the other down his own pants, jerking himself fast. Less than ten minutes later Peter was squirming"Wade! Wade! Fuck! Stop! I'm gonna..."

 Wade just smiled and hummed at that and kept up the pace, and in seconds Peters hips pushed up, ramming his cock up Wades throat and shooting warm cum. Wade swallowed it all up, and then leaned his forehead on Peters hip tugging at his own cock at a punishing pace, grunting and whispering Peters name and finally with a low growl he bit into his baby boys hip and came, hard and long.

 He just stayed laying there doubled over, head resting on Peters hip, when he felt a pat at the back of his head. He looked up to see a completely disheveled, sexed out sleepy and slightly pouting Spidey. He shifted himself up, and looked Peter in the eye. "What's wrong baby boy? Was it that bad?" Peter shook his head "You made me finish too fast." Oh gods could the kid be any more precious "Last time I checked, that isn't such a bad thing." Wade chuckled hugging his Spidey closer "I didn't get to see you take your clothes off, and now I'm too sleepy to get going at it again." He was grumpy and his hair was a complete mess and he was already half asleep, and Wade just adored him right now, so he patted his hair down, and kissed his forehead "Next time we'll get it ace" Peter grumbled something sounding like a "Fuck you Wade" and then nestled in closer, falling asleep "So I guess that's a yes on cuddling" Wade said mostly to himself, trying to get comfortable, which was gonna be a tough task with the jizz getting cold and sticky in his pants. He didn't mind though, he could stay like this forever and a day.

 Peter woke up some time later, it was still dark, he looked up at Wade "Have you even slept at all?" Wade kissed his hair "Not much of a sleeper, I've been thinkin..." Peter brought himself up a little and looked at the man who continued to speak "You know I really really wanted to do this ever since I first saw you baby boy. But now I'm thinkin I shouldn't have."

 Peter pulled away a little looking kinda offended

"No no no, don't get me wrong sweet cheeks. I'm the luckiest man alive to have you here with me. 's just... I don't think I'm really human ya know."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I am now, but I can't die, and everyone, hell everything dies, and I feel like I'm the most unnatural thing ever. I mean you are so young, younger than me, but you will grow old, and die, and I won't be able to do anything but watch you pass. And then one day this city will die, then the countries will die, then everyone and everything will die, and the world will die too, and one day the entire universe will die. And then I will be alone. All alone in the nothing. I am a monster, not only for what I did, what I do, I am a monster for what I am. And you Petey, you are like the most perfect thing I ever dared to have, and I shouldn't have."

"Wade..."

"You really need to leave now baby boy"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos everyone. Now next chapter is going to take some time to write so if anyone is reading this, sorry it's gonna be a wait :)


	6. Careful what you wish for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok I lied. I got one more. It's short, and full of profanity, but it gives me a way to continue the story, so I needed this one as a tie in too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really really bad language and pure rage ahead...

"Fuck you Wade!" Peter yelled.  
"What?!"  
"You've heard me you stupid son of a bitch" Peter was pissed, Wade had never heard him speak like that, and his glare was pure poison. "All this time you're chasing after me, with all the fucking innuendos and all. Then you're all like 'don't leave Spidey' and now **NOW** after you've fucking gotten what you were chasing after you have the fucking balls to tell me to leave. Well I say fuck you, fuck your crazy, fuck your boxes, your fucking insecurities, and fuck your stupid you! I'm not leaving and you can't fucking make me you stupid fuck!"

  
"I don't think I ever heard someone say fuck so many times in one sentence baby boy." Wade was shocked.

  
"Don't you fuckin baby boy me. Just shut the fuck up and fuckin listen for once in your fuckin life you dense mother fucker. I fucking gave in, let myself fuckin feel something for your fuckin stupid ass, and this is what I fucking get for my fucking efforts, you not giving a flying fuck about all that and just telling me to fucking leave. And you know what?! You almost fucking got me. Well guess what you have another fucking thing coming!" Peter was fuming, he was standing now his hands in fists by his sides, shaking with rage, and if Wade wasn't unkillable he would honestly be afraid for his life. He tried to get up, but Peter wouldn't have it, he pushed him back on the bed "Stay the fuck down and listen good! I've never liked a man before, nor have I been with one, and you changed that. I really fuckin like you, and I fucking trusted you to at least appreciate that. I know how fucking hurt and alone you are, and I thought you of all people wouldn't hurt and abandon someone who gave you his fucking trust."

  
"Please Peter listen..." Wade tried, but Peter just screamed at him to shut up. After a few moments of silence he continued bitterly " You Wade are the biggest SOB I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Now I will leave. And don't you dare shoot yourself when I go you fucking coward. It's the fucking easy way out, and some of us don't have the luxury of pressing the reboot button every time something bad happens. You will sit and you will think, and when you're done thinking you will think some more. And then when and if you get it, you will find me and fuckin apologize. Do you understand?" Wade nodded his head yes, and with that Peter was at the  door and out of his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter gave about 34 fucks in this chapter. No flying fucks were hurt during the making of this chapter.


	7. Like tears in the rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade looses it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These things just keep coming, the thing writes itself and I'm just here to type and publish it, so another tie in. Small chapters it is I guess.

[Yellow]  
{Whitey}

[What do you think a flying fuck is?]Yellow asked. After a few moments Whitey answered {I think it's like a hand giving you the finger but with wings}. [That would be so cool] Yellow gasped amused, and then Whitey continued in a serious manner {Here we see a rare and elusive flying fuck in its natural habitat, its behavior is much different from the regular fucks, as it flies solo, and the regular fucks usually travel in herds and thus are much more easily given than the flying fuck}, Yellow laughed.

  
 Wade could  almost see the scene Whitey was narrating.

  
 A herd of about thirty hands  using every finger except for the middle one as legs, and the middle finger was extended forming a neck and head, and giving the world the finger. They moved slowly looking like very profane dinosaurs, from time to time stopping to lay on their backs, pull their legs together and flip it to the world.

  
 And then a beam of light shined and Wade could hear The circle of life theme from The lion king, and there it was, shining like a star and descending from the sky, a big beautiful hand giving the finger to the world and gliding through the air on its big golden wings. Wade was awestruck, his mouth wide open and his eyes tearing up from the beauty he is witnessing, and then the most amazing thing happens. The magnificent beast descends from the sky and approaches him, he mounts it like it was a Pegasus and they fly up and up and Wade is so happy and careless. But then the beast bucks up and he is falling.

...

 He finds himself on his back in the alley below his window,  lying in a puddle reeking of piss. His everything broken and hurting, and he looks up, and there's the window, only days ago Spidey came in through, and he just lays there and curses himself for being such a fucking mess. Then his eyes maybe tear up a little, and he regrets chasing away the one good thing he had in years. And then he just stayed there waiting for his bones to repair themselves "So much for being a highly functional nut" he said out loud and then as on queue is begun to rain, and he laughed, his broken ribs hurting. The sound of his laughter frightened him, it sounded hollow and broken, but he couldn't stop himself. And he wasn't sure anymore if the water trickling down his face was the rain or his tears.  



	8. Laugh I nearly died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some kind of plot finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songfic chapter I guess, a little gory but nothing too graphic, and a cliffhanger. Fixed removed part of lyrics

{Whitey}

[Yellow]

 Wade got a job in Detroit, a hit on some gang boss. At this moment he didn’t care what the job was, he needed to go, clear his mind, and if he was gonna get paid while doin so, well, he wasn’t gonna complain. He packed his guns and equipment, but not the suit. He didn’t want to do this job as Deadpool, he just wanted to be some faceless hitman, he was getting paid in cash, half now, half after the job was done, and his cred didn’t exactly need more boosting, **and** he didn’t want Peter to find out he was killing again. “Fuck me, now I’m lyin to the kid too.”

 He got himself a car for this job, he could fly, but the drive was the thing he needed. He would take some back roads, he wasn’t in a hurry, having three days to make the hit. It was already dark when he packed everything in his trunk, and started the car. After leaving the city, he took his hood off, and rolled down the window, he missed the feel of wind on his face, he didn’t even realize how much he missed it until now. For so long he hid his face, himself, denied himself even the simplest pleasures. He put his arm out of the window making waves in the air current, and he felt… he couldn’t even understand how he felt, he wasn’t angry, or sad, or any of those things he was feeling for so long, he was just… hollow.

 It was quiet, too quiet, and the voices were quiet too “I didn’t call em boxes this time…” His own voice startled him, sounding so foreign. The silence was driving him crazy, so he turned on the radio.

 “I've been traveling but I don't know where

I've been missing you but you just don't care

And I've been wandering, I've seen Greece and Rome

Lost in the wilderness, so far from home”

He laughed, was someone fucking with him? Of all the songs in the world, this one had to come on right now?

 I've been to Africa, looking for my soul

And I feel like an actor looking for a role

I've been in Arabia, I've seen a million stars

Been sipping champagne on the boulevards

Hell yeah he’d been to all those places, just a kid loosin his soul, the champagne part they got wrong though. No champagne for Wade. Fuck this song was pure gold right now, like a fuckin sucker punch straight to the gut.

  *******

He parked in a shady alley, right by the stripper joint where he was told his hit would be. How he loved the corrupted, they were so easy to figure. He got in, all dressed in black, black ski mask hiding his features, a gun with a silencer in his hand. He was gonna pull this one off all ninja style, no need for collateral damage, he figured if he was gonna do some un-aliving, he didn’t need to go full mental jacket.

 The place was empty, music was playing, but no one was there. He started sprinting back, even before the thought “Fuckin setup” crossed his mind, and then he felt it, bullet piercing through his right shoulder. He jumped, flipped in mid air and shot blind, hitting the guy who shot him right between the eyes, then rolled behind the wall, a rain of bullets following a second later. Twelve, well, eleven against one, he loved those odds. He took them out one by one, before he ran out of bullets, so he sliced the last guys throat, not before taking a 12 gauge round to the gut.

“So much for no collateral” he said grimly

[I don’t think it’s collateral if it’s self-defense]

{We can’t die, we don’t need no self-defense}

The shot to his gut hurt like a bitch, so he limped up the stairs to where he presumed was the “office”, he got so caught up in the fight he forgot he needed to keep someone alive to tell him where his hit was, “Damn sloppy Wilson” he chastised himself. When he got all the way up his guts were almost spilling out, something was wrong, he wasn’t dead but his healing factor wasn’t kicking in as usual. He felt dizzy, and then he fell down, fuck he couldn’t remember the last time anything hurt so bad. So this is how it ends… In a stripper joint, caught in a stupid trap, after destroying all the good he was tryin to do, and fucking up the only decent thing he had in ages disappointing the one person who actually cared for him. He barked a laugh, blood spraying from his mouth, and he continued chuckling until he felt like he was suffocating. And then everything went dark.

 I'm so sick and tired

Trying to turn the tide, yeah

So I'll say my goodbye

Laugh, laugh

I nearly died

  *******

He was sitting in a bar, a bottle of beer in his hand, the jukebox playing that song he couldn’t get out of his head the whole day.

 

I'm living for the city, but I'm all alone

I've been traveling, but I don't know where

 

He felt a cold touch on his shoulder, and it was her.

“NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN MY LOVE”, the lady in black said. He got up and held her by her bony hips “How’s my favorite dead girl? I missed you so much.” It was the truth, the last couple of times he had died, she wasn’t there to greet him. “I WAS BUISY LOVE, AND YOU WOULDN’T BE OUT FOR LONG AYWAY. AND YOU’VE BEEN BUISY TOO” Was that jealousy in her voice? “Don’t know what you’re talkin bout beautiful” Wade said trying to kiss her, but she leaned away “OH, BUT YOU DO, THE BOY, HE TOOK YOUR HEART” He shook his head “It’s over now, you know you’re the only one I keep comin back to.” She smiled “IT’S NOT OVER LOVE, WE BOTH KNOW IT.” Damn she was right, but Wade wouldn’t have it “So, not that I’m not glad to see you darlin’, but why the visit this time?” She caressed his cheek, and ran her thumb across his lower lip, touch as cold as ice, Wade closed his eyes and leaned into it. “I DON’T KNOW, THERE’S SOMETHING DIFFERENT… YOU WON’T BE WITH ME FOREVER, BUT IT WILL TAKE LONGER BEFORE YOU ARE BROUGHT BACK THIS TIME” Wade took her face in his hands “Please, let me kiss you” and she did.

 I hate to be denied

How you hurt my pride

I feel pushed aside

laugh, laugh

I nearly died

  *******

 Light struck his eyes, and his head hurt, bad, and then a shadow fell on his face. He squinted up, and saw those brown eyes.

 

 

Petey, that you?”

 Then he felt a smack across his jaw, dislocating it. Wade squeezed his eyes shut, and then looked up, it wasn’t his Petey, it was some other dude, it looked like he was laughing, but Wade couldn’t hear it, he couldn’t hear nothing. He took in his surroundings, he was tied to a chair, hands behind his back, his guts were back where they were supposed to be, so that was good. The place looked big, and dark, and the guy that hit him was now leaning in saying something. Wade wasn’t the one to miss his chance so he head-butted him and the guy fell down, holding his face in “Thanks for that man, really needed to realign my jaw” Wade spat, laughing, he could hear again “So, this a surprise party? Aww you shouldn’t have” Then another guy in a suit came in, and motioned with his head for the guy on the floor to leave, which he did. “So, I’m guessin you’re the main man here, ya know cause the suit, or maybe you the butler?” Wade said to the new guy “Alfred will you go make me a sandwich, and remove the crust please” he continued in the worst British accent. The guy smiled “They told me you were funny guy. I like you” he had a heavy accent, not Russian, but something similar “Very pleased to meet you mr. Wilson. I am Wolff” He looked like one too, tall skinny, grayish hair, and pale eyes, hell even his grin was wolfish “Excuse me if I don’t shake hands, I’m kinda tied up right now” Wade quipped, and Wolff laughed again, and shook his head “I feel almost half bad for what is going to happen next mr. Wilson, I do, but it is necessary.”

 Before Wade could speak he was gagged from behind, and felt like someone injected him with something in the neck, then it all went dark again.

*******

 When he woke up he was on a rooftop, he was paralyzed, he couldn’t move a muscle nor could he speak, he could see that he was wearing his Deadpool suit, and that he was back home.

“No!”

 He saw Spiderman swinging his way, and he wanted to yell, to warn him, but he was like a stone. Then he saw some kind of light around Spideys head, and the kid jerked midair, lost the grip on his web and started falling.

 Living in a fantasy but it's way too far

But this kind of loneliness is way too hard

I've been wandering, feeling all alone

I lost my direction and I lost my home, well

 Ten minutes later he could finally move, he ran to the edge of the roof he was on, feeling like his limbs were being ripped apart, but Spidey wasn’t down there.

 I'm so sick and tired

Now I'm on the side

Feeling so despised

When you laugh, laugh

I almost died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't really care for songfics, but what can I say, culdn't done it any other way


	9. War games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left.  
> Some gross parts in this one sorry

[Yellow]  
{Whitey}

 Spiderman was gone for a whole month now. But Wade wasn’t sitting on his ass doing nothing. He’d called upon every connection, threatened every lowlife, killed and maimed, done everything to find this Wolff guy, and finally he was getting closer. He found out the guy had some kind of facility in Alaska, and that was all he needed.

***

Cold wind blew across the snow covered field, the cold piercing to the bones, but Wade felt nothing but anger. There, in that building not two miles away from him were the answers to where his Peter was, and probably the bastard who took him away.

{Maybe Peter's not even…} Whitey started

“Don’t even think it!” Wade growled

He sneaked towards the building, and circled it searching for an entry point. It was nighttime, and he wore his winter cameos over his costume so if there were any guards, they would have to look really hard to spot him.

It was suspiciously calm, and Wades' nerves were on fire. Something didn't feel right, but he had to get in, and get his Petey back.

Soon he found a hatch, and sneaked in, finding that he was in a maintenance closet. It was warm inside so he took his cameos off. Slowly he opened the door, and after checking if the coast was clear he got out and into a long hallway. He ran silently past the many doors, which had little glass panes on them so he could check what was in each room as he passed them by. The rooms were laboratories mostly, the medical type, and Wade felt sick to the thought that maybe they brought his Petey here.

And as if someone had read his mind, in the next room he could see people strapped to tables, covered with pale green sheets tubes going into them. Adrenaline pumped through his body, what if one of them was Peter. He tried to open the door, but it was locked, and he couldn't find any lock or button or anything. "Fuck this ninja shit" he yelled, pulling a package of c4 from one of his pouches and placing a really small amount of it near the door handle. Talking a few steps back he detonated it, and the door fell open. Of course the explosion triggered the alarms and soon he could hear footsteps and yelling coming in on him. Quickly he went inside, the room was huge, and cold, and there was a big round pool of icy water in the middle of it. After taking in his surroundings Wade started pulling the sheets off. On the beds laid men and women, completely naked, rigged with tubes and cables to different machines, all pale and unconscious. After pulling the fourth sheet off he found Peter. Wades' heart ached at the sight. His baby boy was all pale, looking as in pain, barely alive. Wade could hear the guards approaching, so without giving it a second thought he made quick work of pulling the tubes and cables out of Petes body trying to be careful, and picked the boy up. Wade leaned through the door and almost got shot in the head. He threw a grenade down the hall, closed the door and looked around the room, and then started working on the escape plan. Ten seconds later he had a bomb, a huge bye bye bad guys gonna go boom bomb, and for a moment he felt proud of himself. He had rigged four oxygen tanks together strappped them on a wheelchair and opened the valves just so a small stream of gas can escape. He pushed the door open and shot a few rounds towards the guards and then showed the wheelchair in their direction. Then he took Peter in his arms and jumped in the pool. Just before they dived in he heard a gunshot and smiled. He could see a ball of fire above the water, few seconds later he pushed a button on a detonator he was holding, and another blast shook the walls of the pool, and the flames subsided, chunks of concrete and ice falling in the water. He had rigged the entire place with explosives before he got inside, so it was just a matter of figuring out which one he had to detonate to blow up the right place on the roof.

Now that he had the guards taken care of he just needed to get out and to his snowmobile. He had an extra snow suit he brought for himself but he was gonna give Petey, and there was an old WW2 bunker just about ten miles to the southeast where he had already set up base.

He made quick work of dressing Peter and then raced to the bunker praying the boy wouldn't freeze to death till they get there.

***

He made a small fire and brought Peter close to it rubbing his arms and legs to get him to warm up. His face was pale and bluish but the boy was still breathing and soon he started shaking. It was a good sign, meant his body was fighting the cold. Wade himself was soaked and freezing, but that didn't matter, he just needed to get his baby boy to warm up. Ten long minutes later Peter opened his eyes and looked up at him, and then Wades heart skipped.

"Hello Petey pie." He said gently

"Cold." The boy whispered, and the merc chuckled sadly "I know, sorry bout that sweet cheeks" he then proceeded to take out a small flask from one of his pouches, putting in to the boys lips "Here, take a swig of this" Peters face scrunched up "I don't drink Wade" and the merc smiled "It'll make you warm honey buns" To that Peter opened his mouth taking a gulp, his eyes opened wide and he started coughing and Wade hugged him tighter "Shhh baby boy 's okay" when the coughing subsided, Wade pressed the flask back to Peters lips, but the boy leaned away " No more". After a small pause the boy spoke again "Didn't kill anybody did you?" Wade looked down at those big brown eyes, and then to the side "No Petey not a single soul." his words burn him, he was lying, but he had to, Petey didn't need to worry about that now. Peter smiled and snuggled closer, sighing, and closing his eyes. Soon he was asleep.

Moments later Wade felt a cold presence in the room. It was her.

"What are you doing here! I'm not dead! He whispered in panic.

“I’M NOT HERE FOR YOU LOVE”

“You’re not here for him either! You can’t be! Look he’s okay, he’s breathing” Wade spat holding Peter closer as if to shield him from the Lady.

“I’M SO SORRY MY LOVE, BUT HE WON’T BE, NOT FOR LONG” She didn't sound sorry, but he guessed it was all in a days work for her.

“Go away! I won’t let you take him! You can’t. Please, please. Can’t you just leave him, not take him away, I mean, he’s just one kid, can’t you make an exception just this once?.... Please”

“FOR YOU I WOULD DO ANYTHING, BUT I CAN’T DO WHAT YOU ASK OF ME”

“Then, can you give me some more time at least, just a little?”

“ONE HOUR, IT’S ALL YOU HAVE. I AM SORRY LOVE”

“Thank you! Thank you!”

He wasn't going to let him die, he will never let her take him.

***

He took his top off and started slicing away.

“Petey, you really need to eat this”

“It tastes gross”

“I know baby boy, I'm sorry, but I promise it’s good for you”

He'd been sitting there for what felt like ages, cutting pieces of his own flesh and feeding it to Petey, trying to give his healing factor to the boy. Wade was dead tired from the cold, and the blood loss, and the constant pain of carving at his own flesh, but he wouldn't stop. Peter was dozing off all the time, barely conscious enough to swallow what he was being fed, and it scared the merc.

"Wade..." Peter said a little clearer, and Wades heart jumped

"Hey baby boy, you awake."

" I need you to do something for me."

"Anything you want Petey pie."

"Kiss me... please?"

And he did, with all he had, and when the kiss was over Peter smiled.

"You're an okay guy Wade."

 

 

 


	10. Can you hear me major Tom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the end notes for explanation and apology. I didn’t put it up here so I don’t make spoilers.

Wade woke up to the sun beams on his face. He was lying on his back, warm and comfortable and pain free. He felt a warm and pleasant weight on his right arm and chest, he looked down to find his Petey sleeping beside him, he looked so precious, his brown hair sticking out in all directions, a small frown on his face, and snoring softly. Wade also found that he had no scars or sores on his body, tentatively he brought his left hand to his face to feel just smooth skin and a start of a stubble, no scars, no scabs, and he had hair too, short trimmed, but it was there.

Wade closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying not to lose it, but there came no panic attack, no voices trying to shatter his sanity. “Guys are you there, Yellow, Whitey?”, nothing, just the sound of birds chirping, his own thoughts, and a sleepy “Who are you talking to?” Peter was awake and smiling up to him “No one baby boy, just, no one at all” Wade kissed his hair.

Peter smiled brighter, and climbed on his chest proceeding to kiss him it was long and lazy and tender and Wades heart could almost burst from how much care he felt in that kiss “You do this almost every morning, you know?” Peter said “It’s like you can’t remember anything until you are fully awake” Wade looked at him confused “Huh? So maybe I should wake up then.” Then Peter laughed and kissed him again, this time with more passion behind it “And I know a perfect way to wake you up.” Then he slid down Wades body, kissing him all the way, and stopping just above his growing member, smiling up to him devilishly “Have I ever told you what a killer body you have.” Peter said and then licked up and swallowed him halfway. Wade moaned, hardly restraining himself from jerking up into that sweet mouth that was working him. Peter wasn’t taking no hostages, he licked and sucked, and what he couldn’t get in his mouth he worked with his hand, and Wade felt like he was gonna lose his mind from how good it felt, like the kid’s gonna suck his brains out right through his cock, leaving him to be a god’s perfect idiot. Then Peter rolled his tongue just below the head and hummed around him, and Wade was done for, he growled low and pushed his hips up, barely held down by Peters hands. Peter swallowed everything, and then climbed back up to Wades chest

“Wow, you’re like the world’s greatest alarm clock Petey, I’m wide awake now” and then swung them around so he was on top. Wade planted quick pecks on Peters lips, and nose, and cheeks, making smooch sounds, and the man below him giggled “I love you Petey”. And then the merc zoned out, looking at those sparkly brown eyes, and that beautiful flushed face, and he saw Peters lips moving, but the voice wasn’t right.

“Ground control to major Tom”

Wade pulled away a bit, confused “What?”

“Ground control to major Tom, Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong”

Wade tucked his knees to his chin, he couldn’t see anything, no Petey, no room, no sky, no sun, no stars, just the vast black emptiness, he wasn’t even sure if his eyes were opened or closed. Peter was gone, the boxes were gone, even Lady Death was gone, ages ago.

You can’t cry in space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story was going to have a completely different ending, but this morning I listened to Space Oddity, and couldn’t get this ending out of my head. I wasn’t gonna put the smutty part in this chapter ether, cause it just kinda feels wrong, but I thought, should make it worth the rating.  
> So, for all of you reading this, I am sorry it ended up this dark, hope you enjoyed at least some parts of it.  
> Comments are always appreciated, and thank you all for the kudos :)  
> I promise I'm going to try and write a happier fic next time  
> That’s all folks

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the bad English non native speaker here


End file.
